Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Episode 5: The one with the boy next door

Man: Matt (a different one), & possibly David
Age: 38?
Description: Matt:Tall, dark hair, would have been foxy about 10 years ago, Dave: not worth describing
Venue: Next door's garden

I thought I would write an Episode 5 for this, even though it probably isn't worth it. But I know how excited you all get at the prospect of me entertaining men at every opportunity, so here it is.
So; on Sunday evening after having spent 3 hours on a train from Edinburgh, I decided to sit in the garden for a bit of fresh air. Now, I have two sets of neighbours who were both sitting outside; Marion and Rob - the ones who don't let my friends park outside their house, and Matt - an IS lecturer at a London university - even though he lives in Leeds, but never mind.

Matt and I are quite pally with each other, he sometimes comes in for a cup of tea, or we chat in the garden and things. There's nothing in it, he's a single man who has a kid at weekends. The ex-boyfriend and him used to have a bit of mountain bike envy with each other, but generally he's a nice chap.
So I'm sitting in the garden, and he leans over the fence and the conversation goes something like this:

Matt: Have you bought your bike yet",
George: "no, not yet, I need to clear out my shed first and there are a few spiders in there" (typical George answer).
Matt: Can't you get your boyfriend to get rid of them for you?
George: "Erm I could, but we're not together anymore, so that could be a bit awkward"
Matt: " You broke up, that's a shame"
George: "Yeah"
(insert general break up small talk)
Matt: "Ok, well I'll let you get back to enjoying your drink then, see you"
And it all ends well.

Cue 5 minutes later, I'm still sitting drinking my Magners (out of a champagne glass), and out of the corner of my sunglasses, I see a man come out of Matt's kitchen, blatantly check me out, but tries to make out that he's just walking round the side of the house to look at the fence. And then he turns round and walks back into the kitchen.

3 minutes later, Matt comes over and says - "Have you eaten yet?"
And I'm like Shit what do I do.
So I said no, (because I hadn't) and he goes - "Would you like to come in for some chicken"
Now I was a little wary at this, because I'm still a bit unsure about the euphemisms and also general lies that men use to get women into bed. I'm sure you all remember me falling for the "We don't have to do anything line"
Nonetheless I decided that chicken didn't mean sex, so it would be safe to go over. So I did.
And Matt introduces me to his friend 'David'.
"Georgina, this is David. David is my friend. David is visiting this weekend. David lives in the South. David is a trained chef you know. David is quite well travelled."
From what I could gather, David pretty much had the sun shining out of his ass, but alas he wasn't in the least bit foxy

So David and I had a bit of a chat whilst Matt pulls out a roast chicken out of a very trendy looking John Lewis range cooker, some new potatoes, some rocket. and some balsamic vinegar
Then out comes the garden table, and some red wine, and a bottle of pear cider, and it sort of turns into an alfresco garden party complete with some sort of trendy wireless looking musical device. Matt son (Euan) joined us to eat, but then went off to watch Dr Who on the tv, so it was just me and the two guys for the best part of 2 hours.
And there was lots of grown up chat, about all sorts of things like African dictators (my contribution was "yeah, have you seen the last king of Scotland, isn't it gruesome"), life in Uzbekistan (where they both met), and of course the weather, house prices and the benefits of living in Wortley and not London.
I felt a bit out of my depth at some points, and I think David decided that I wasn't worth pursuing and he rang for a cab about 9pm. Although he did say it was nice to meet me etc, but he was probably being polite.
I too made my excuses and hot footed it back to my place, but not before I'd polished off most of the alcohol.

So that was my Sunday evening, but now I need to know if I have to return the favour.
Ideas and thoughts please?


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