Man: Stephen from Work
Description: Um, well he doesn't really float my boat. At all.
Venue: Death by text message.
So here we are again with another instalment of George and the City. It really has been a while, so I expect this update will be welcomed with open arms.
Don't get too excited because I didn't meet anybody at Rachel's wedding. There were a few potential foxy guys, but nobody really showed any interest, so I just shook my ghd curls on the dancefloor instead. I might add that I've totally ruined my weave by using that thermal protector spray.
Anyway, so let me set the scene:
There's a guy at work, who has recently moved back to Bradford after a stint in London, and we work together often. He's a perfectly normal human being, 5ft 8, dark hair (nicely styled), a few extra pounds (I'm being nice), and a mildly witty sense of humour. But that's where it stops. Mainly because he isn't foxy. But it stops. Fully stops. Completely stops, and no potential for anything else. Ever. At ALL.
Unfortunately for the both of us, because we are both single, the office seems to think that we are the next BB Dale and Jen.
We get on well, I don't deny that; but I get on better with boys in the workplace generally. He's no Bryant or Crell, but he's the closest I'll get to having a boy mate at work.
Anyway, so this past week we were having a chat about how he has no friends and doesn't know Bradford/Leeds very well, so I invited him to my cocktail party. (PS let me know if you haven't had a invite as Facebook has screwed it up). And he text me this long reply about how he didn't want to go cos he has no confidence with girls and he didn't want to embarrass me in front of all my mates etc. And I was like - oh its okay, lots of people have self confidence issues, come along and my friends will be nice to you, it will be fine and there will be boys there too.
And then that was that.
So, roll on to Rachel's wedding, I'm dancing away to Love is in the air - the band were so so so good. and my phone beeps with an sms:
S: Would you like to go on a date
So I'm stood there thinking, oh f**k now what do I do. So I text back
G: "Are you drunk?. I am, at a wedding and its fabulous (it really was trellis, or parnellis as I'm calling you now)"
S: "I've had a bit to drink but I'd marry you any day George x x x x x x x x"
G (thinking oh f*ck again), "Stephen you're pissed, I'm putting this down to alcohol, see you Monday".
And then that was fine,
So I got no more, and thought I'd escaped swiftly. Until 7am the next morning. This below is a summary of the transcript of text messages that ensued. I hate texting at the best of times.
7am sunday morning
S: "did I text you last night"
Me: "its 7am, yes you did, but it doesn't matter, I'm going to sleep".
S: "what did I say"
me "do you not have sent items? , it really doesn't matter"
3 mins later,
S: "no go on, tell me what I said"
me "okay, you asked me out, then said you'd marry me. its no big deal, lets drop it now"
3 mins later
S: "oh, really, how embarrassing, sorry,but people have been asking what's going on between us and I was thinking about you.(cue more nonsense, I only read it the once cos it turned my stomach, so I can't really remember)"
me "jesus christ stephen, this is insane, just leave it now okay"
3 mins later
S:"hope I haven't upset you, I'll delete your number from my phone, hope I haven't ruined our friendship (etc more rubbish.."
me: "you can still text me, just not at 7,30 am"
and then I got some peace, until lunchtime
S: "hi george, its stephen, really hope I haven't angered you. I'm sorry I asked you out, and obviously you didn't relish the thought, its just you've been really nice to me....(cue more soppy nonsense"
me: "Stephen, really you're being wet now, Can we just leave this"
3 mins later
S:"okay, but what do you mean by wet"
me (and sorry this is nasty): " By all this incessant texting and explanation nonsense, it's just very gay. Just drop it all now, and lets say no more about it"
And then I got no reply.
I know I got a bit nasty, and this morning, he said that he thought I was really rude to him.
But I don't want to be accused of leading him on. It's emerged that some people in our department have been filling his head with deluded ideas of a romance, based on the fact that we walk to to the canteen together and he occasionally buys me a scone.
So that is the latest.
Oh and I text the ex boyfriend during the wedding saying that I forgave him, and I understood why our relationship would never have worked despite our best efforts because we did want different things. But I sent it to my sister by accident, because i'm a numpty.