Thursday, 17 July 2008

Episode 7: The one which could have been three

Wow, I hear you say; two updates in as many weeks. The gods must be shining down on George finally. Well alas, they aren't. I've been sitting around waiting for Cupid and Fate, but between the two of them they have royally c**ked up my whole week, and made me shudder at the thought of finding a man to date.
And the reason.....? Unrequited Love.

There is nothing worse than finding somebody who you like only to find that they don't like you back. This has happened to me 3 times in 1 week. I don't know whether its the new long hair, my ample bosom, or the fact that I'm simply b-e-a-utiful, but over the past 7 days, I have been both victim and culprit.......

Incident 1: Stephen from Work:

You'd think after I called him a wet and a gay, he'd realise that I had no feelings for him and he'd leave me alone. But no, the texts and the emails still keep coming. E.g "i've shaved and moisturised 3 days on the trot!.Soon I'll be delightful and irresistible lol "
Really Stephen, it will take more than a Gillette Mach 3 to make me fancy you.
He also told a mutual colleague that he'd dreamt about me, and in his dream I said I'd go out with him.
Come on Stephen, it ain't gonna happen. Ever.
Even if you do send me texts at midnight saying you won't be fat forever, and that I'm really special, and if I ever change my mind, you'll be waiting for me.
Get a Grip!

Incident 2 The Rentokil man;

Last Friday, the man from Rentokil (Luke (27ish), 5ft 8, Townie haircut, gold/missing teeth, gold chav chain) called round to my house at 8am to check on the mice situation - of which there are none.
Unfortunately for me, when he rang the doorbell, i wasn't dressed. So I quickly put on a vest top - which I now realise was a mistake, and jeans.
So I opened the door all smiley, and he started smiling at my chest. Anyway, after establishing that I was going to Edinburgh without my boyfriend, he asked if I would take him with me. To which I nonchalantly replied "No, you'd be subject to ridicule by all of my family". And I thought that was enough.
So yesterday morning, he was supposed to turn up for another mouse check, but he left me a voice message saying he couldn't make it, and could he reschedule.
I text him saying yes that would be fine, and I would be at home this Friday after 2pm. And then I get this reply:
' Well its a date then beautiful lol, see you at 2pm on Friday'
To which I effortlessly replied "Er probably best to leave your charm at the door on the way in and concentrate on finding the mice!"
I haven't had a message back yet.....

Incident 3: The object of my affection.

Perhaps this is a bit of an exaggeration, but I was in Edinburgh last week hanging out with all my non-cousins, and was saying how I found it difficult to meet guys, and I didn't like just approaching randoms. And my cousin Joe was like - give it a go, Its good when girls come up to guys. They won't be scared, just smile and be pleasant. So I adopted this methodology for my Auntie Tina's party.
I saw a nice looking guy in a stripy shirt so I smiled at him, and he smiled back. Result I thought, now all I need to do is talk to him, and I'm back in the game.
So on my way back from the loo later on in the evening, I saw him outside having a cigarette. In the short time it took me to say hi to my Dad on the stairs and make it outside, this guy had disappeared. Even though we'd clocked each other when I was coming out of the loo. So I went outside anyway to sort of make out that I needed some fresh air, and I realised that he was round the side of the building, but not in a "lets be secretive" sort of way, a proper "sh*t let me hide from the green dress girl" because I could see his cigarette smoke billowing shamelessly from afar.
How mean is that, and to top it all, when we were next both inside, everytime I smiled at him he looked away.
So I felt massively dejected.
But then on the flip side, I am the object of other mens' affection, so it all balances out really.
Anyway, my account expires tomorrow. I think it was a waste of money although I know a couple of my mates wouldn't agree.
I've now joined
Thanks to Sarah for writing some lovely words about how great I am.

Oh, and here's some happy news. I entered a SATC competition with Elle magazine not so long back where I had to write a SJP style article involving me and Galaxy chocolate. I didn't win, but this morning I received a months supply of Ripple bars as a runner up prize. Hats off to me!

Monday, 7 July 2008

Episode 6: The one which was inevitable

Man: Stephen from Work
Age: 24
Description: Um, well he doesn't really float my boat. At all.
Venue: Death by text message.

So here we are again with another instalment of George and the City. It really has been a while, so I expect this update will be welcomed with open arms.
Don't get too excited because I didn't meet anybody at Rachel's wedding. There were a few potential foxy guys, but nobody really showed any interest, so I just shook my ghd curls on the dancefloor instead. I might add that I've totally ruined my weave by using that thermal protector spray.

Anyway, so let me set the scene:
There's a guy at work, who has recently moved back to Bradford after a stint in London, and we work together often. He's a perfectly normal human being, 5ft 8, dark hair (nicely styled), a few extra pounds (I'm being nice), and a mildly witty sense of humour. But that's where it stops. Mainly because he isn't foxy. But it stops. Fully stops. Completely stops, and no potential for anything else. Ever. At ALL.

Unfortunately for the both of us, because we are both single, the office seems to think that we are the next BB Dale and Jen.
We get on well, I don't deny that; but I get on better with boys in the workplace generally. He's no Bryant or Crell, but he's the closest I'll get to having a boy mate at work.
Anyway, so this past week we were having a chat about how he has no friends and doesn't know Bradford/Leeds very well, so I invited him to my cocktail party. (PS let me know if you haven't had a invite as Facebook has screwed it up). And he text me this long reply about how he didn't want to go cos he has no confidence with girls and he didn't want to embarrass me in front of all my mates etc. And I was like - oh its okay, lots of people have self confidence issues, come along and my friends will be nice to you, it will be fine and there will be boys there too.
And then that was that.

So, roll on to Rachel's wedding, I'm dancing away to Love is in the air - the band were so so so good. and my phone beeps with an sms:

S: Would you like to go on a date
So I'm stood there thinking, oh f**k now what do I do. So I text back
G: "Are you drunk?. I am, at a wedding and its fabulous (it really was trellis, or parnellis as I'm calling you now)"
S: "I've had a bit to drink but I'd marry you any day George x x x x x x x x"
G (thinking oh f*ck again), "Stephen you're pissed, I'm putting this down to alcohol, see you Monday".
And then that was fine,
So I got no more, and thought I'd escaped swiftly. Until 7am the next morning. This below is a summary of the transcript of text messages that ensued. I hate texting at the best of times.

7am sunday morning
S: "did I text you last night"
Me: "its 7am, yes you did, but it doesn't matter, I'm going to sleep".
3mins later,
S: "what did I say"
me "do you not have sent items? , it really doesn't matter"
3 mins later,
S: "no go on, tell me what I said"
me "okay, you asked me out, then said you'd marry me. its no big deal, lets drop it now"
3 mins later
S: "oh, really, how embarrassing, sorry,but people have been asking what's going on between us and I was thinking about you.(cue more nonsense, I only read it the once cos it turned my stomach, so I can't really remember)"
me "jesus christ stephen, this is insane, just leave it now okay"
3 mins later
S:"hope I haven't upset you, I'll delete your number from my phone, hope I haven't ruined our friendship (etc more rubbish.."
me: "you can still text me, just not at 7,30 am"

and then I got some peace, until lunchtime

S: "hi george, its stephen, really hope I haven't angered you. I'm sorry I asked you out, and obviously you didn't relish the thought, its just you've been really nice to me....(cue more soppy nonsense"
me: "Stephen, really you're being wet now, Can we just leave this"
3 mins later
S:"okay, but what do you mean by wet"
me (and sorry this is nasty): " By all this incessant texting and explanation nonsense, it's just very gay. Just drop it all now, and lets say no more about it"
And then I got no reply.

I know I got a bit nasty, and this morning, he said that he thought I was really rude to him.
But I don't want to be accused of leading him on. It's emerged that some people in our department have been filling his head with deluded ideas of a romance, based on the fact that we walk to to the canteen together and he occasionally buys me a scone.


So that is the latest.

Oh and I text the ex boyfriend during the wedding saying that I forgave him, and I understood why our relationship would never have worked despite our best efforts because we did want different things. But I sent it to my sister by accident, because i'm a numpty.